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Showing posts from 2013

On: Speaking The Truth

And so it is… ambivalently I prepare for another goodbye; ambivalence only because I need to honor that which I am leaving wait…
The romance or magic of my life has to be where I am, not where I was …not where I may soon be; this keeps me grounded and grateful. Yes, I have illusions of my potential and my travels excite me. I have a bleeding heart that wants to give energy, joy, and most of all LOVE. But patience is a virtue, I must feel the emotions of the now, they guide and edify me.
I am blessed, I get to be an artist, my life is pure and I have control now of my own madness, my deep, bottomless emotions. I channel them for my craft, for creativity and for growth.I give my heart on the stage, and will—I fear—until I know someone, somewhere who will let me pour over them all that I am and accept that canon. I am not a burden and I am not a distraction.Connect with me and the seams dissolve. I am an independent emergent with an edgy soul and wild imagination. I am a builder and a nat…

Without expectations

There’s a brilliant man in my life, he just showed up. He challenges my munificent mind, he is dangerously honest; he multitasks his multi-tasking; doing everything all at once, there is a tiny space for me. I crave him.Neither of us are available enough to love, neither of us are vested in the outcome, yet we still proclaim our truths to one another. I could talk to him for days; I could listen to him forever.
He just showed up, and I fell into an ocean and I’m not sure what I am supposed to do, the possibilities are haunting. I wrote to him: “When you allow someone inside your head you allow them the ability to hurt you irreparably, they know your vulnerabilities and they know of your pain. You said I have power, well now you have it too, at least relative to things involving me in your world. Yes, I am strong, but you could bring me to my knees. It’s the only way to live, so I surrender. Have your way with me, have your exquisite way…. I know you will, even without knowing it. I wi…


Recently I met someone new in my life, determined to nail first impressions, he did. But a leopard can't hide his spots, as my mother used to say, and if that leopard tries, those spots will be damned to show up eventually. None of us are perfect, none of us have avoided adversity or pain, but what we do with it matters -- IT MATTERS. Acceptance, forgiveness, character; these are the fully-loaded words I learned about through my own pain. But in healing, I was committed to me; I looked in the mirror and said, "make your move"... it was a tough time.  But I proactively made a choice not to lean on drugs or helpful people or vices and they beckoned sweetly.

Yes it would have been easier in the short-run, but long term it was a process that defined so much for me, I realized just what I was made of and just what I could accomplish with a little old-fashioned effort. I recognize the value added to my world and all future options.

When a new person walks into your world, th…

Capricious Youth

Forward: this is a story about youth. It exposed the immature decisions of capricious, youthful curiosity. I was driven to action by desire, self-interest and self-preservation. I have evolved to live with grace, hope and optimism.

The year it all began was 1989 -- Although my first unqualified boyfriend gave me the shivers, hot flashes and swift nervousness, the relationship only went to the holding-hands phase. Therefore I’m skipping it mostly except for this bit of context:  I am going to say that it was from then on that I knew the power of attraction, the power of desire. On a small scale, yes… but it was enough. TJ made my heart race like I had never known. I have continued to revert back to those first feelings when you initially lose control. That ‘relationship’ taught me just how crazy I could be.I was capable of spending time wondering about someone else. I began to change from a girl to a woman.
And then came Mike, I looked up to him, he was athletic and he had floppy dirty …

My Month in Mexico (round lll)

I am sitting at the Mexico City International Airport preparing to leave my second annual visit to Pachuca. I have been a performer at the San Francisco Feria National for 2-consecutive years.

And as I reflect on all of it, I have a whopping 16-hours to kill before actually arriving back in Arizona. Now what? I could walk home faster, at least google maps say I can.   I guess I'll just get intimate with some of my thoughts, as boring as I feel right now, maybe something will occur to me.

Bye Pachuca; we played our show in an old bull ring. The kind of place that has apparent history, you can just feel it in the air around you. All the pictures we took have those mysterious ghost orbs in them; invisible to the naked eye, but curiously hanging around. It may seem unglamorous to some people but to me... with every breath of dust I am at home, dirty, thick mountain air; a starving artist inspired to show 10,000 brand new people--whom I will never actually meet--my heart. Those old to…

Live in the moment (part II)

Blackpool, England

Have you ever been called fat ... wait ... massive, to your face ... in front of 30 other people ... while at work ... I have! THE JOYS OF SHOW BUSINESS, p.s. during this encounter I was tipping the scales at about 9.7 stone? Part of me wanted to literally melt into a pile of goo -- never to be seen again. But life went on, complete with an agonizing lunch hour.  I had very few options but to tuck my humiliation quietly away in my back pocket for safe keeping. Sometimes we are told things that we don't want to or aren't ready to hear. And sometimes those things settle and make us better, softly pushing us out of our previous comfort zone.

I understand why there are such high standards in the entertainment industry. It's imperative to sell the hard work and near flawless image along with the thrill. I think people like to feel amazed and they like to see someone doing daring and difficult things, I think they like having idols and people with fit bodies t…

ON: Taking a Self-Portrait #Selfiewar

social experiment...

#selfiewar faceboook album

To enter:
1. Must be a selfie or "themselfie"
2. Must be creative or follow guidelines below
3. Must have the words #selfiewar placed over the photo

Let the games begin ... let us call them #Selfiewar® ... tag or mention me if you want to play, if the photo is accepted it will be added to an open album on social media (rules and regulation upon request). Here the links to my Twitter & Instagram ... Sharing is caring!

Background, in the past 15 minutes, I  have snapped the 6 'selfies' included below ... I hope these shots inspire you to capture a version of yourself because you will never again look the precise way you do right now and you will never again be the exact age are right this very minute.

I believe that we all have a story to tell and as a consumer of countless self-shot-pictures across social platforms, I'm much more interested in that story as opposed to a mira…

"LIVING" in the moment... Part I

I arrived in Manchester England in early June. I was the last person in the visiting passport line--always the longer of the two; the people returning home breeze back through to normalcy.

After mounting the zig-zag patterned shuffle for the next 45-minutes, I made it to the front.  But sadly the officials held me in security for another 2 hours.  As luck would have it, I was in holding with a disgruntal guy in camouflage fatigues, my personal nightmare -- this guy and me representing the United States. He was yelling about discrimination and his wooden leg; his bitter dialogue matched his bitter smell and I kept asking him to calm down; I truly felt he was affecting my chances of entering the UK. I felt pathetic, oily and exhausted... I kept reassuring myself that time had to pass, for sure this was no exception.

I passed the test, and was reunited with my luggage. Delirious on 19 hours and 45 minutes of extra awakeness,  I combed the line of chauffeurs with named signs to find my d…

HIATUS -- please accept my apology

One thing I wanted to do in the year 2013 was to start a blog. I went to school for journalism yet pursued work as a theatrical performer and despite my life path and/or possible detours, one of my truths is that I absolutely love to write. I am a storyteller; thinking back, it is the first thing in my life that I was sure of. Communication and matters of human interaction inspire me and allow me to thrive. I am deep, thoughtful, and curious. I aspire to write, communicate, analyze, advise, and understand. I want to understand both my place in the world and my calling.

The people around me and the world I live in are all gifts that I get to experience and I want to drink that up. It is frowned upon to be emotional or erratic. Yet it is acceptable to be beige and show control.  I am emotional, I am involved. The gift of expression is a lonely gift, but one I must explore. Like a brilliant mathematic mind should not avoid such a gift, nor will I avoid my mind.  With that said, another t…

My month in Mexico (round II)

Mexico had its "dark days" because I had some parasite or animal living in my intestine for a majority of the trip, but I have managed to post some pictures of a few of my favorite moments. Enjoy! My window at noon: washed out by the sunlight, 5th floor CitiExpress Puebla
Of course my Mexican Starbucks name is Carmen, I love that name! The Catholic Church in the city center had stunning colors, artwork, and statues. Sight seeing and shopping day. Some goods at the local market, hand-woven blankets and hand-made pottery, GORGEOUS. Cultural Celebrations, portrait: Frida Khalo Karma Bagels had huge and delicious Bagel sandwiches and the interior was decorated to the nines with religious artwork. #iconic #ironic The Virgin Mary painting inside Karma Bagels Ongoing fascination with #BIGdoors Me with a delicious Coca Light not to be confused with Diet Coke (#Americana) #notthesame Please tell me the #secretrecipe (die high fructose corn syrup)  An actual Mariachi Man giving m…

South of the border

(April 3, 2013) I made it to Mexico, am safe, am thrilled; continued coverage coming soon!

(April 25, 2013) I have been enjoying Mexico now for 25-days, but unfortunately the illusive 'Montazuma' and coupled revenge found me and thus I found my bed, so that was a setback on the everything front. I also hope that for some of my trip I can ditch the bread and rice diet.

... (after this no more excuses) it has been a bit of a struggle finding internet with some strength and with an uninterrupted connection, but I am sticking to my promise of publishing a post about Puebla.

Please know, that I choose to see the glamour around me; I choose to wonder fantastically. I've
always wanted to be a storyteller and this once unidentifiable urge has driven me to pursue an education in journalism and a career as a theatrical performer, but moreover, I want to be exposed to new things and places without judgment or categories or comparison but instead with awe and a na├»ve imagination. I l…

Cinco de Mayo -- authentico -- this May

Very happy to announce that I am going back to Mexico. and I will be primed to enjoy some un-imported #tacate beer at the delicious price that Mexicans pay. Yes-- for sure --Yes, I am rubbing it in; to be clear, that is less any up-marking or imported beer fees, and that, mi Amigos, is good news. Tasty beer, domestic pricing, context is everything.

Moving on, for this leg of my 5-part-to-be-continuted-Mexican-tour, I will be spending 6-weeks in Puebla, Mexico located southeast of Mexico City. (see map below)

I am fully excited to explore a new place on this planet I have not seen. I will use what time I have away from work to check out the city and of course I'll do some research with local people I meet; I will also write a new post from my south-of-the-border hotel room so I can share some of my favorite sights, sounds and flavors of this historical city known  to most of us for the Battle of Puebla and which consequently has given birth to the American affinity known as the annu…

50's Glam Downtown Las Vegas (a secret mission)

The Plaza Hotel Las Vegas A secret mission
Overall rating

Photo book #2

My collection of potential coffee table images from my personal archives, xx!  Title: Shoes make the world go around This image is a webcam shot, I think it was a 2 mega pixel situation. Anyway, we were given a lunch stipend and I used it on new shoes instead of food. It was 4-million degrees outside, it felt like hot blow-dryer wind, so I stayed in my hotel room with my new vibrant blue eye-shadow and new golden shoes, I entertained myself.   (Abu Dhabi, UAE)

Title: Call of Couture During our stay at the lovely Ritz Carleton in I took this picture of my friend through a hotel curtain,  I like that it made the picture look both hazy and sultry. The original 'filter' (Wolfsburg, Germany)
Title: Relativity For this picture I wanted it to seem as if I were floating on top of the water, to see only my hair weightless in the water; however, my father, the photographer didn't seem to understand my direction ... nonetheless, I still love the outcome. (Scottsdale, Arizona)           …

IN Route

No posting today... TRAVEL DAY, Las Vegas, here we come :)

This was posted February 7, 2013. I packed up my new car (a one Pontiac Solstice) and embarked on a solo car trip from Michigan to sunny Las Vegas, Nevada.


Coming soon, the story of that 3 day journey to start over. ( written 12/10/2015)


Okay, so today the dinner topic for chewing is, Optimism. Is the glass half-full or half empty? For me, that depends on what's actually in the glass -- maybe that context makes a glass half empty not so bad after all. For example, one half empty glass of wine usually has me smiling, or on the road to smiling.
But no matter how you spin a perspective, I do think optimism is a very good quality to foster in yourself and in your thought processes because it rides shot-gun with hope, and being more hopeful than doubtful is not only virtuous but it yield better results, according to most research I've read. So, on that note, the graphic above a great little reminder that always makes me smile.

So if you're stuck, if you have a pesky perspective that's really upsetting you, try spinning it; try to re-think your approach and maybe like that glass of wine, it's not all that bad from a new angle. xx

Budget photo-shoot

I wanted to share a recent photo-shoot I did for my beautiful friend Fatima. Less was truly more; we just took a point-and-shoot camera, some clothing and props and walked around our hotel. Pachuca, Mexico had some beautiful background to offer us. Creativity can be as simple as just noticing things, playing off them, and then exploring the instant ideas that might pop into your mind.

**We used Google Picasa for editing! Special thanks to Katie Elizabeth Stainsby

ENJOY the final product! Click the hyperlink below to see the photos :)

Fatima (Fallen Angel) Photoshoot