the blog

FORWARD  I think my story really begins the night I watched my mom skating on a seven-foot by eight- foot homemade ice pond in our backyard. The space was illuminated just enough by a small floodlight and I could see her from my bedroom window; she looked so pretty.   It was one of those misty nights so it seemed like the air was thick and maybe even visible in that single beam of the light shining in her direction. I was seven years old then. Little did I know that my first experience with ice skating would spark a 12-year drive towards an Olympic dream. Over the next decade, I spent hundreds of hours perfecting technique, and my parents spent hundreds and thousands of dollars on skates, competitions, ice time, and coaching fees. Nine years after my first day on the ice, I was an international and national medalist, and my desire to reach higher filled me. In 2000, my climb to the top was halted. I learned hundreds of intricate things during my push to find my ultimate potentia

To fully understand this part of the story you must first read the prequel PREQUEL The house of cards began to fall. As I reaffirmed my version of events, I was more sure than ever that I believe in love. I believe in the idea evolving in love with ever-changing conditions. Impermanence making all life possible, all love possible.  But I also believe in other people, they are the true silver lining of living a human life; people - delicate, unique, people.  And above all, I believe in commitment--define it for yourself, value it as you wish but don't be a hypocrite. I was being a hypocrite.  I decided that, I will bolt myself to those rare unique people I find and I will be right there for 300 years. I will! My version of commitment is   longer, thicker and more gritty than a mouthful of dirt.  I believe in the scariest of desires and all versions of emotional security, counterfeit or otherwise. I asked myself, what could be so important in this world? It's nice to a

I have an urge to share a story...  About 15-years ago just before heading off to become a student  at Michigan State University,  I  started  self-medicating; it was always a bit of an indulgence, my secret weapon. Afterwards, I felt a variety of things that I liked: happiness, inspiration, calm; it was a way to harness chaos for me. Now, you might be wondering what I was doing to pacify my nerves....  we're getting there.  I chose that phrase 'self-medicating' for a reason, I chose it because it has a negative stigma in tow, I chose it because I redefined it for myself, and I hope my story might help you redefine it, too. This story is not dictated by my fear for worries. Perceptive is a powerful thing. This drug of choice was called writing and it didn't have any side effects, stigmas or regrets. It comforted me just like the warmth of anxiety and just like burn of alcohol but it was about embracing daylight and by giving my mind a creative, all-consuming act