On: question ONE

Back in 2012, I answered 21 deep and random questions I found online. The plan— then— was to answer them again in 10 years. 

Just to preface this little social experiment, upon trying to answer said questions again, I did not read what I had written 10 years ago. Going in BLIND--social science at it finest!! Each question will get its own blog post. Not sure how, but it's 2022. SO prepare yourself for the first blog in this experiment titled - "On: Question ONE"

SECONDARY DISCLAIMER: I care very much about reaching my potential, whatever that may be, and learning from my mistakes. So these are my most honest answers.   

For context, read :)  On: 21 questions (blog)

What is the meaning of life?

Ok, coming in hot then? Great question albeit one of life’s mysteries.  I can’t imagine one simple answer can solve this query for the billions of people currently fuddling through life and the human existence.  This is a case by case thing; some people don’t care to know and some find it in religion or pain or grief. 

I hope I can find the meaning of my life before I go. 

It’s 2022 and I haven’t read my response from 2012 and I’m getting this uncomfortable feeling that I might sounder wiser back then than it will now. Meh, oh well. 

I go through phases where I think I know what the meaning of a life is (for me) … and then I fall off a rainbow or trip into a 3-month gutter or have a miscarriage or lose my job or feel so devastatingly homesick that I lose sight of anything that motivates me in the world.  And uh ageing is a hard one too, because ten-years-ago I was an optimistic 30-year-old who didn't feel like i had more wrinkles than success.

Maybe we are not supposed to be able to answer this question in a black and white kind of way. But I feel like the meaning of life is definitely not some short list. I think we are supposed learn, grow, forgive, and love. I think community is important. I think pleasure, joy, and love make pain, adversity and grief bearable – except for when they don’t because sometimes nothing seems to help.  I think we are meant to be gentle with ourselves and while we’re at it, with other living things.  

I think we are supposed to be kind even when we aren’t receiving kindness. It’s so much more profound when it’s the right thing to do. I think we ought to aim to use our talents in a way probably only we can. The meaning of life is individual.

Perhaps, it’s to survive the chaos, to ask for and accept help, to cozy up with vulnerability, to feel gratitude, and to find meaning and grace despite what hand we got dealt.

Personally, I have long way to go, I need to place more import on letting the messy stuff be part of the triumph, like it is in sport. I need to be less interested a clean house and more in the memories that made the mess in the first place.

On:  kindness and compassion - when I’m struggling, I tend push people away and I create difficulty, I literally make this unintentional quicksand that anyone who walks towards me succumbs to. 

I need to be most compassionate and most sympathetic during those times when I need it the most—be the change you want to see and all. I need to lean in, risk is not fun (especially not on paper), but it’s worth it most times. Looking back on my 41 years, my biggest leaps of faith were the birthplace of my most incredible triumphs and most handsome rewards.

Something crazy happens though—doesn’t it— once you have to keep other humans alive, there’s a shift from taking calculated the leaps of faith to this preventive thinking, a best outcome/minimal risk thing… I blame evolutionary biology because we should still take the leaps. Our tiny humans will learn the value of a leap of faith. 

So the meaning of my life is still evolving: but… I  know I need to keep working on me and not lose sight of the fact that me at my best uplifts everyone around me. Plus, giving up my own light (yes past my societal prime) doesn’t uplift anything or anyone. Practising self-growth stunts my overthinking disorder. 

Also, I want to underpin my months and years with a feeling of  true gratitude. I want to stop weighing the value of all my effort or expecting my effort to comfort me- it's a choice, and doing my best does comfort me. Continuous effort is accumulative and deeply satisfying – big picture wise. x

THE END

I challenge you to answer question ONE and then all 21… and then again 10 years from now. What have any of us got to lose?