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The ARTIST my MENTOR saw in me

A letter to my CAST,

First, can I say, thank you! I look around me and see artists not just by profession but by nature. I see painters, dancers, singers and musicians; I see passion, effort and mad imagination. I see the rage to master. And so it is, we live our fascinating lives and choose to leave wait our functioning worlds to contribute to a different kind of world, but it’s a world where we fit in, we lend our hearts and hope it matters. "They may forget you, but they certainly won’t forget how you made them feel." What an honorable task, to make them feel.
I want to thank you all for sharing a stage with me, and thank you in advance for all the days ahead of us because I know you will also share yourselves with me. I hope we can preserve the madness and magnificence required to keep going. I hope we can love one another especially when we least deserve it, because that is when we will need it the most. I am dedicated to ALL of you; I am committed to this journey. We will encounter a gritty road of development while in the most dazzling venues. But creating an art form has purity, it's magnificent. We own the flaws now; placed in our hands, this is ours to grow; we have worked diligently, we have bled something original and at its current state, it is honest and now we begin a gorgeous evolution. I want you to know that I need each of you to bring my portion of this story to life. Our contrasts and connections were considered long before we showed up and we must not forget to honor that.

I am not perfect, or fearless, but I am sincere. I will try my best to own my faults and handle my ugly, but I will ask for help and of course forgiveness. In return, I will give - at least - what I take. I will respect our common ground, I promise to help you, just give me your hand, just ask. Thank you again for your tenderness as I fumbled and fell and got where I am now, and because of you, I am still looking to the higher ground.

Dearest Robin,
You've been a hero and I am better because of you. Over the past few weeks, I never imagined that I would struggle to sleep and forget to eat or that I’d get so hung up on a single count of four that I would have writer’s block of the feet. But I bolted my heart to an invitation, a journey, a potential and even if that heart is dragging pathetic across the ground, I refuse to give up… because you picked me. I will get up, show up and stay. I will fight and grow and dream with my whole body and all the air in my lungs. I will stay past struggle, past evident frustrations and I will still be there… right where breakthrough is waiting for me.

At the moment, I am equal parts brave and terrified. I am edified. How can I do this justice? And I think it comes down to commitment — over a pair of blades there was always a world where I could get lost. I could smell color and breathe music, I could fly. I am dedicated. I am tangled like gum in a ponytail. We--me and this--we're inseparable.  I am committed beyond those dust-bunnies in my mind that try to sneak out.
“…AND real commitment is the farthest thing from beautiful. It’s not always the picture-perfect, edited thing you’d thought it would be. A lot of times it’s painful. And it’s lacing up your boots knowing that you will have to crawl through the very battlefields that try to own you, and shatter you with doubt and insecurity. Sometimes you will want to run away to a time when it was easier … when it was comfortable and nothing made you fearful—nothing made you feel unworthy.”
                                           -Hannah B

For me, to perform is something raw and splendid, I cannot articulate with words how grateful I am to be here, to do this work, to have your trust… So I shut off the forceful and crawl out of my own headspace. I will listen to your guidance and then I will love intensely in the narrative of movement. I hope the people who watch want to skate because they can feel how much it fills me. I hope they paid to be entertained and leave affected. I hope they will float away in our fantasy, the one we built for them -- what a show. 
That target I mentioned, I still can’t see it, but I won’t stop looking until I’m staring at the bulls-eye! If you say it’s there, I know it is. Thank you for all of it, I am overwhelmed.

With love, commitment and sacrifice,



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Goodbye to the circus xx