the blog

There’s a brilliant man in my life, he just showed up. He challenges my munificent mind, he is dangerously honest; he multitasks his multi-tasking; doing everything all at once, there is a tiny space for me. I crave him.   Neither of us are available enough to love, neither of us are vested in the outcome, yet we still proclaim our truths to one another. I could talk to him for days; I could listen to him forever. He just showed up, and I fell into an ocean and I’m not sure what I am supposed to do, the possibilities are haunting. I wrote to him: “When you allow someone inside your head you allow them the ability to hurt you irreparably, they know your vulnerabilities and they know of your pain. You said I have power, well now you have it too, at least relative to things involving me in your world. Yes, I am strong, but you could bring me to my knees. It’s the only way to live, so I surrender. Have your way with me, have your exquisite way…. I know you will, even without...

Recently I met someone new in my life, determined to nail first impressions, he did. But a leopard can't hide his spots, as my mother used to say, and if that leopard tries, those spots will be damned to show up eventually. None of us are perfect, none of us have avoided adversity or pain, but what we do with it matters -- IT MATTERS. Acceptance, forgiveness, character; these are the fully-loaded words I learned about through my own pain. But in healing, I was committed to me; I looked in the mirror and said, "make your move"... it was a tough time.  But I proactively made a choice not to lean on drugs or helpful people or vices and they beckoned sweetly. Yes it would have been easier in the short-run, but long term it was a process that defined so much for me, I realized just what I was made of and just what I could accomplish with a little old-fashioned effort. I recognize the value added to my world and all future options. ...