the blog

Forward: this is a story about youth. It exposed the immature decisions of capricious, youthful curiosity. I was driven to action by desire, self-interest and self-preservation. I have evolved to live with grace, hope and optimism. The year it all began was 1989 -- Although my first unqualified boyfriend gave me the shivers, hot flashes and swift nervousness, the relationship only went to the holding-hands phase. Therefore I’m skipping it mostly except for this bit of context:  I am going to say that it was from then on that I knew the power of attraction, the power of desire. On a small scale, yes… but it was enough. TJ made my heart race like I had never known.    I have continued to revert back to those first feelings when you initially lose control.   That ‘relationship’ taught me just how crazy I could be.   I was capable of spending time wondering about someone else. I began to change from a girl to a woman.   And then ...

I am sitting at the Mexico City International Airport preparing to leave my second annual visit to Pachuca. I have been a performer at the San Francisco Feria National for 2-consecutive years. And as I reflect on all of it, I have a whopping 16-hours to kill before actually arriving back in Arizona. Now what? I could walk home faster, at least google maps say I can.   I guess I'll just get intimate with some of my thoughts, as boring as I feel right now, maybe something will occur to me. Bye Pachuca; we played our show in an old bull ring. The kind of place that has apparent history, you can just feel it in the air around you. All the pictures we took have those mysterious ghost orbs in them; invisible to the naked eye, but curiously hanging around. It may seem unglamorous to some people but to me... with every breath of dust I am at home, dirty, thick mountain air; a starving artist inspired to show 10,000 b...

Blackpool, England Have you ever been called fat ... wait ... massive , to your face ... in front of 30 other people ... while at work ... I have! THE JOYS OF SHOW BUSINESS , p.s. during this encounter I was tipping the scales at about 9.7 stone? Part of me wanted to literally melt into a pile of goo -- never to be seen again. But life went on, complete with an agonizing lunch hour.  I had very few options but to tuck my humiliation quietly away in my back pocket for safe keeping. Sometimes we are told things that we don't want to or aren't ready to hear. And sometimes those things settle and make us better, softly pushing us out of our previous comfort zone. I understand why there are such high standards in the entertainment industry. It's imperative to sell the hard work and near flawless image along with the thrill. I think people like to feel amazed and they like to see someone doing daring and...