the blog

And so it is… ambivalently I prepare for another goodbye; ambivalence only because I need to honor that which I am leaving wait… The romance or magic of my life has to be where I am, not where I was …not where I may soon be; this keeps me grounded and grateful. Yes, I have illusions of my potential and my travels excite me. I have a bleeding heart that wants to give energy, joy, and most of all LOVE. But patience is a virtue, I must feel the emotions of the now, they guide and edify me. I am blessed, I get to be an artist, my life is pure and I have control now of my own madness, my deep, bottomless emotions. I channel them for my craft, for creativity and for growth.   I give my heart on the stage, and will—I   fear—until I know someone, somewhere who will let me pour over them all that I am and accept that canon. I am not a burden and I am not a distraction.   Connect with me and the seams dissolve. I am an independent emergent with an edgy soul and wild imagina...

There’s a brilliant man in my life, he just showed up. He challenges my munificent mind, he is dangerously honest; he multitasks his multi-tasking; doing everything all at once, there is a tiny space for me. I crave him.   Neither of us are available enough to love, neither of us are vested in the outcome, yet we still proclaim our truths to one another. I could talk to him for days; I could listen to him forever. He just showed up, and I fell into an ocean and I’m not sure what I am supposed to do, the possibilities are haunting. I wrote to him: “When you allow someone inside your head you allow them the ability to hurt you irreparably, they know your vulnerabilities and they know of your pain. You said I have power, well now you have it too, at least relative to things involving me in your world. Yes, I am strong, but you could bring me to my knees. It’s the only way to live, so I surrender. Have your way with me, have your exquisite way…. I know you will, even without...

Recently I met someone new in my life, determined to nail first impressions, he did. But a leopard can't hide his spots, as my mother used to say, and if that leopard tries, those spots will be damned to show up eventually. None of us are perfect, none of us have avoided adversity or pain, but what we do with it matters -- IT MATTERS. Acceptance, forgiveness, character; these are the fully-loaded words I learned about through my own pain. But in healing, I was committed to me; I looked in the mirror and said, "make your move"... it was a tough time.  But I proactively made a choice not to lean on drugs or helpful people or vices and they beckoned sweetly. Yes it would have been easier in the short-run, but long term it was a process that defined so much for me, I realized just what I was made of and just what I could accomplish with a little old-fashioned effort. I recognize the value added to my world and all future options. ...

Forward: this is a story about youth. It exposed the immature decisions of capricious, youthful curiosity. I was driven to action by desire, self-interest and self-preservation. I have evolved to live with grace, hope and optimism. The year it all began was 1989 -- Although my first unqualified boyfriend gave me the shivers, hot flashes and swift nervousness, the relationship only went to the holding-hands phase. Therefore I’m skipping it mostly except for this bit of context:  I am going to say that it was from then on that I knew the power of attraction, the power of desire. On a small scale, yes… but it was enough. TJ made my heart race like I had never known.    I have continued to revert back to those first feelings when you initially lose control.   That ‘relationship’ taught me just how crazy I could be.   I was capable of spending time wondering about someone else. I began to change from a girl to a woman.   And then ...

I am sitting at the Mexico City International Airport preparing to leave my second annual visit to Pachuca. I have been a performer at the San Francisco Feria National for 2-consecutive years. And as I reflect on all of it, I have a whopping 16-hours to kill before actually arriving back in Arizona. Now what? I could walk home faster, at least google maps say I can.   I guess I'll just get intimate with some of my thoughts, as boring as I feel right now, maybe something will occur to me. Bye Pachuca; we played our show in an old bull ring. The kind of place that has apparent history, you can just feel it in the air around you. All the pictures we took have those mysterious ghost orbs in them; invisible to the naked eye, but curiously hanging around. It may seem unglamorous to some people but to me... with every breath of dust I am at home, dirty, thick mountain air; a starving artist inspired to show 10,000 b...

Blackpool, England Have you ever been called fat ... wait ... massive , to your face ... in front of 30 other people ... while at work ... I have! THE JOYS OF SHOW BUSINESS , p.s. during this encounter I was tipping the scales at about 9.7 stone? Part of me wanted to literally melt into a pile of goo -- never to be seen again. But life went on, complete with an agonizing lunch hour.  I had very few options but to tuck my humiliation quietly away in my back pocket for safe keeping. Sometimes we are told things that we don't want to or aren't ready to hear. And sometimes those things settle and make us better, softly pushing us out of our previous comfort zone. I understand why there are such high standards in the entertainment industry. It's imperative to sell the hard work and near flawless image along with the thrill. I think people like to feel amazed and they like to see someone doing daring and...

*** PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT*** social experiment... #selfiewar faceboook album To enter: 1. Must be a selfie or "themselfie" 2. Must be creative or follow guidelines below 3. Must have the words #selfiewar placed over the photo 4. GOOD LUCK Let the games begin ... let us call them #Selfiewar   ® .. . tag or mention me if you want to play, if the photo is accepted it will be added to an open album on social media (rules and regulation upon request). Here the links to my Twitter  & Instagram  ... Sharing is caring! Background, in the past 15 minutes, I  have snapped the 6 'selfies' included below ... I hope these shots inspire you to capture a version of yourself because you will never again look the precise way you do right now and you will never again be the exact age are right this very minute. I believe that we all have a story to tell and as a consum...